The GMC HUMMER ev will kill us all.

"Jim Spanfeller" (awesomeaustinv) 10/20/2020 at 23:29 • Filed to: Hummer

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Let’s see, 1,000 hp, 11,500 lb/ft of (wheel) torque, 0-60 in 3 seconds, and it probably weighs like ~6,000 pounds . Great. Very cool, very capable EV truck, and I like EV trucks. And this one will destroy us all. I mean, look at it! Look at those specs! Look at that huge, flat face! Look at that tall hood! Look at the low windshield and thick pillars! This thing can’t possibly have very good visibility.

And as soon as someone who acquires one of these puts their foot down, surely it will take off like Thor’s hammer, rocketing into the distance with the mind-bending speed of the harnessed lightning that powers it, completely pulverizing whatever/whomever it inevitably strikes, most likely sending someone to Valhalla. This is not a truck. This is a mobile battering ram of death.

I’m convinced that 2020 is unsure whether the ‘R ona will actually kill us all, so it created the GMC HUMMER ev to finish us off just in case. At least if you’re the one driving the Lightning Brick Of Doom, it’s probably a pretty epic way to die. The rest of us will just see the grille rapidly approaching like a massive iron fist with no time to get out of the way.

Well, it was nice knowing you guys.

Tohru > Jim Spanfeller 10/20/2020 at 23:39

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don’t get my hopes up right away like that

Jb boin > Jim Spanfeller 10/20/2020 at 23:44

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~6,000 pounds is the weight of the Escalade that someone was talking about yesterday, i doubt it will be this “light”.

For Sweden > Jim Spanfeller 10/20/2020 at 23:51

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I probably deserve it tbh

Danimalk - Drives a Slow Car Fast > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 00:09

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It' s not a truck. it’s a super truck.

wafflesnfalafel > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 00:12

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counter point - it’s the answer to all our prayers and dreams. 

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 00:19

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Just wait until the aftermarket answers the question of, “what if the front were spikier in the name of off roading protection?”

bob and john > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 00:34

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this is stupid...like its SO big and SO massive, and it only has  a 5 foot bed? holy shit.

Merkin Muffley > Jb boin 10/21/2020 at 00:55

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7500 pounds. Minimum. 

rctothefuture > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 04:11

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Im just sad I can't add angry headlights. Ya know, to show how tough I am and diminish my headlights ability to work properly.

Thomas Donohue > bob and john 10/21/2020 at 08:20

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To be fair, they are only being true to the original.

HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 09:25

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It makes about as much sense as a Hellcat wrangler. 

Jim Spanfeller > bob and john 10/21/2020 at 13:42

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One can of course argue that not everybody is frequently hauling sheets of plywood, and for the average person’s truck needs, this should suffice. And it does have a very roomy cabin even with the low roof. From videos I’ve seen, it also seems to have an absolutely massive battery pack, which helps excuse the enormous size somewhat, but it still seems... a bit unnecessary. But then again, isn’t that the whole point of a Hummer? Nobody needs one, but plenty of people want to drive something that looks like it was designed by Thor for the purposes of trampling his enemies on the battlefield. It’s the truck equivalent of Mjolnir, and none of us are worthy (or probably capable) of wielding its power.

Jim Spanfeller > HFV has no HFV. But somehow has 2 motorcycles 10/21/2020 at 13:51

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This truck is like a Cassowary. Very cool but also very scary, i t will try to kill you, and nobody needs to own one. The danger is that people will think they can control this truck, and will buy it anyway, unprepared for what it’s capable of.

Jim Spanfeller > Danimalk - Drives a Slow Car Fast 10/21/2020 at 13:51

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Riiiiiiiiiiiight...

Jim Spanfeller > wafflesnfalafel 10/21/2020 at 13:52

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If you have apocalyptic dreams, sure.

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 10/21/2020 at 13:54

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If they survive long enough after the initial purchase to modify it... But yeah, nobody needs one of these with a steel bumper or any crap like that, it doesn’t need any help.

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 13:58

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Oh I’m sure the “HUMMER’s” occupants will sur vive just fine.

I find the fact that it is technically called the GMC HUMMER, not the GMC Hummer, intolerable in a incredibly dull sort of way. AND YOU DIDN’T CAPITALIZE EV but YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SO MANY CAPS. SOME ALL CAPS ARE NICE BUT TOO MANY CAN GET TIRESOME AND MAKE YOU FEEL SHOUTED AT. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Yeah it needs no assistance to be a danger to pedestrians and well pretty much anyone else on the road not in a GMC HUMDINGER. 

Jim Spanfeller > Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available 10/21/2020 at 14:37

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Our only hope is that GM packed this thing to the brim with safety features like lane departure warning systems, blind spot monitoring systems, etc. , etc. And severely neutered the performance in whatever the “normal” driving mode is...

Who is the Leader - 404 / Blog No Longer Available > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 14:43

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Because a 1000 horsepower bunker on wheels with the mass of a med ium sized black hole sounds downright unsafe to give to an untrained pleb. How about you knock it down to 4 00 hp for daily use and to enhance the range?

bob and john > Jim Spanfeller 10/21/2020 at 17:06

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I honestly just see it as a great way to ID those who over compensate and are usually assholes.

Do i need to haul sheets of plywood? no. but I need to tug motorcycles around and I cant do that with a 5 foot bed comfortable.